Satire alert.
Time magazine’s publicists inform me that there is a duke-out going on between Lady Gaga fans and those of Iranian Green Movement leader Mir Hosain Mousavi. So, below, I offer the top ten differences between the two. First the announcement:
‘Lady Gaga fans are protesting the results of TIME.com’s TIME 100 online poll, where readers have been casting their votes for the person they think merits a spot on this year’s TIME 100 list of the 100 most influential people in the world. Gaga fans are accusing supporters of the winner, Iranian opposition leader Mir-Hossein Mousavi, of fraud by stuffing the online ballot box. Gaga was leading the poll and was then toppled by Mousavi. “We’re not voting or supporting this until Mir-Hossein Mousavi is disqualified,” exclaimed an outraged Gaga fansite webmaster in an email to TIME.com, who continued “They were cheating and we have proof.” Note: no improprieties have been discovered in the polling smackdown. . . This year, Mousavi came in first place with more than 830,000 votes to Lady Gaga’s third place showing with about 412,000 votes. . . . The TIME 100 issue with the actual TIME 100 list chosen by TIME editors, which will include Mousavi, will be released online on Thursday, April 29th. ‘
Top Ten Differences between Lady Gaga and Mir Hosain Mousavi:
1. Mousavi, a reformist, favors women being able to show their faces. Lady Gaga favors wearing masks.
2. Mousavi ‘sat poker-faced through each sarcastic onslaught’ of his presidential debate opponent, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Lady Gaga merely sang a song, “Poker Face.”
3. In those presidential debates of May, 2009, Mousavi rejected Ahmadinejad on the grounds that the incumbent is a drama queen who had made Iran a laughingstock with his histrionics. In contrast, in her song, “Bad Romance,” Lady Gaga says “I want your ugly/ I want your disease . . . I want your drama.”
4. The Iranian government tried to stop Mousavi’s ‘Facebook revolution,’ so called because demonstrators used the social networking site to organize their massive demonstrations. On the other hand, Lady Gaga was among the most mentioned names on Facebook during 2009.
5. Mousavi on several occasions was prevented from receiving phone calls from his followers, who were trying to arrange demonstrations, because the fearful regime turned off cellphone service in the capital. Lady Gaga sings in a duet with Beyoncé entitled “Telephone” that she does not want to receive phone calls.
6. Demonstrators against the theocratic government in Iran often tried to conceal their faces so that the secret police could not photograph them and track them down. In her song “Paparrazzi, Lady Gaga speaks of being eager to be photographed with her friend.
7. Zahra Rahnevard, Mousavi’s ‘Islamic feminist’ wife, aimed to be first lady of Iran. Little known fact: Gaga Ahmadinejad is presently first lady of Iran, according to sarcastic Gossip Girl staff.
8. Many of Mir Hosain Mousavi’s student supporters on college campuses were expelled. Only one of Lady Gaga’s ‘little monster’ fans was sent home from school– for wearing a controversial t-shirt.
9. Mousavi disagrees with superstitious clerical leaders, one of whom says that unveiled women cause extramarital affairs, which cause earthquakes. Lady Gaga dressed provocatively while pledging earthquake relief aid.
10. Mir Hosain Mousavi clearly has cojones, to challenge the entire Iranian government. Lady Gaga in contrast is only falsely rumored to have cojones.
Satire alert.
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