Offshore account: Something that a gentleman creates, puts in his wife’s name, and carefully hides when he goes into politics because good breeding forbids him to utter obscenities in public.
Frerrorist: (on the model of ‘frenemy’ or friend/enemy): Person with whom you are friends, who belongs to an organization that deploys violence against the civilians of a nation that you despise, for the purpose of effecting political change. Because they are targeting citizens of an objectionable state, it is all right for you to join in their rallies, take money from them, and connive with them to use terrorism to overthrow the disliked government. Not to be confused with ‘terrorist,’ a douchebag who uses violence against the civilians of your state or a state that you like.
Outsourcing: The practice of firing well-paid workers with proper benefits in favor of poorly paid or part=timers with no benefits, on the theory that Americans with less money and dignity will be much better for the country. (Note: “the country” in this definition is being used to refer to only part of the country, i.e., to the rich; this usage is called in Latin “totum pro parte,” and is one form of the figure of speech called ‘synecdoche’).
Offshoring: The same as outsourcing, but where the new poorly-paid workers are abroad rather than inside the country, on the theory that Americans have too many good jobs and it would be selfish not to share them with the rest of the world. Apparently offshoring is considered more embarrassing by wealthy politicians than mere outsourcing. Note: not to be confused with “offshore account,” although millions of dollars for such an account can often be gained through offshoring American jobs.
Tax: The extraction of resources from individuals by the state both because they engaged in an activity (such as making money) or because they declined to engage in an activity (such refusing to buy health care). Note, in the latter case a ‘tax’ is synonymous with ‘mandate.’ Some grammarians hold that such a mandate is not a tax if levied by a state government, but is a tax if imposed by the Federal government. Note: “tax” has an extremely negative connotation in the country and many politicians pledge never to raise one, no matter how much the consequent decline of government services might harm their constituents. (On this glossary’s use of “the country” to mean “the rich,” see the definition of synecdoche above).
Immigration: A transfer of population from one country to another. Considered unnecessary and perhaps undesirable by outsourcers and offshorers (see above), since where would they ship the jobs to if all the foreigners came here?
Vice presidency: Please see some other entry in this glossary, since it would be much better for the purpose than this present note, which has no aspirations of defining this term and could never be persuaded to do so.
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