Ghoul’s Glossary: Shutdown

Shutdown: n. A maneuver whereby persons elected and paid by the public to do little but pass budgets refuse to do so unless they are permitted to prevent poor children from seeing a doctor.

Compromise: v. To Comply. The president, reelected by a comfortable margin, and the Senate, with a Democratic majority, must do what a handful of Tea Party Republicans in the House order them to do (i.e. must “compromise”) or there won’t be a government.

Defund: v. To throw a tantrum. E.g. where Ted Cruz won’t pay for things that are constitutional and mandated by law, but which he really dislikes. Mostly found in the context of women’s control over their bodies, or of poor children needing to see a physician, or of poor babies facing malnutrition.

Absolutism: Where you disagree with Ted Cruz or the Tea Party. Ant. Compromise.

Support: v. To screw over. Since our men and women under arms will see their paychecks delayed by a shutdown, and since the GOP authors of the shutdown are always proclaiming their undying “support” of our troops, one can only conclude that in their colorful Southern dialect, the word “support” has undergone a semantic shift of gargantuan proportions.

Preparedness. n. (esp. military): The act of watching t.v. on your couch. A “shutdown” will furlough 400,000 of 800,000 Department of Defense civilian workers, depriving the military (whose pay is now in arrears) of its key bureaucratic tail.

Veteran: n. Fall guy. A “shutdown” will cut off payment of veterans’ pensions and compensation for injuries received in combat. This denial of pension and benefits to persons who risked their lives for this country is a form of Republican Party “support” (q.v.)

Small business: n. Nonentity. Although Republican representatives are always going on about the importance of “small business,” a shutdown will deny government loans to proprietors of such businesses. Ted Cruz is doing this to small businessmen not because they decline to “compromise” with him but because he “supports” them, just as he “supports” the fall guys, I mean, veterans and the troops.