Ghoul’s Glossary: A Donald Trump Translation Dictionary

By Juan Cole | (Informed Comment) | – –

Constitution, US: 1. An time-consuming optional document that can be abrogated for lack of time. 2. syn. politically correct (s.v.)

criminal: 1. syn. Mexican. 2. syn. Hillary Clinton.

family: accomplices. (As in, the families of ISIL members must be killed.)

fascism: (word not found in this dictionary).

forty thousand. syn. thirty million. As in, “ISIL has taken over most of the oil in the Middle East.” ISIL pumps roughly 40,000 barrels a day. Middle East output is roughly 30 million barrels a day.

Hawaiian. adj. syn. Kenyan.

Hillary: syn. 1. schlonged (s.v.) 2. criminal (s.v.)

immigration: n. A very bad thing that happens at borders without walls.

Jeb: n. lethargy.

journalist: n. 1. an object of hatred; 2. a liar.

kill: v. an action for the most part not performed on journalists despite their being hated.

liar: n. journalist.

lie: v. to contradict Trump.

Mexican: n. a person sent abroad by their government to commit crimes.

Muslim: n. 1. a suspect 2. someone who must be quarantined abroad while investigated.

narcissism. n. (word not found in this dictionary.)

oil. n. natural resource owned by the United States, wherever it is pumped.

political correctness: n. phrase. An extremely time-consuming opposition to racism. Hence Trump’s announcement that he doesn’t “have time” to be “politically correct.”

pour: v. to flow in reverse. As in, “illegal Mexican immigrants are pouring across our southern border.” ( In 2009-2014, an average of 200,000 Mexicans left the US annually, and 174,000 came to this country each year; i.e. more left than came.)

refugee: n. terrorist.

schlong. n. (Yiddish). a non-obscene word for large penis.

schlonged. adj. 1. a woman who has been bested by a man. 2. a woman.

stupid. adj. person who disagrees with Trump. Syn. liar.

Syria: n. a province of Russia.

Syrian: n. syn. Mexican (s.v.).

wall: n. 1. prerequisite for a country. 2. a Mexican gift, typically proffered under duress.

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Related video:

TheLipTV: “Trump Jokes About Killing Journalists”

23 Responses

  1. Curiously, with the latest extrusion of nastiness, we’ve moved into the trahison des clercs phase. The obvious is too obvious, so we learn from various know-better types that Trump is merely confusing words (Pinker:WaPo) and that fascism is a muddled term (Marshall:TPM). Is this somehow part of the normal process of social and intellectual disintegration that accompanies these insurgencies?

    • hquain you are absolutely right. Look, a schlong to most people means a dick – he may as well have said that Hillary got hosed in ’08 – and there is no mincing such a term. Hosed does not mean to be drenched with a garden hose, it means screwed. Schlonged is the same damn thing and anything else is special pleading.

      As for TPM – yes, Josh Marshall’s attempted nuanced parsing of the term “fascism” is, again, just special pleading. A political party whose candidates seriously discuss mass deportation and using collective punishment against innocents is using the language of the Nazis – plain and simple. That is the company they keep, and no amount of push back will alter that basic fact.

      Look, the largest so-called media outlet, MSNBC just gave Trump a free hour long info-documentary last night. We are living through a very dark chapter of this country indeed, and as I posted earlier, the damage is done – no matter who wins next November the country has already lost substantially as a result of this immature petulant vulgarian (not to mention his supporters and the party on to which he hangs his hat – or hair piece as the case may be).

      • In recent years I’ve tried to hold to a narrow definition of fascism in order to distinguish historical fascists from any number of right-wing oligarchical regimes of modern times. I think FDR’s definition of fascism merely being the control of government by the rich is too broad, because it doesn’t account for feudal oligarchies like those in Latin America that simply perpetuate medieval ideas of class privilege to support backwardness.

        What makes fascism distinct is that it arises from within a democratic polity, while embracing a POPULIST nostalgia for a defeated feudalist past. This contradiction happens when a large faction is able to view itself as the true and pure patriots across class boundaries, but in reality its members dream of overthrowing modern democracy and economic relations at the cost of everyone else, installing themselves as the new titled nobility. Restoring feudalism in an industrialized democracy is very different than preserving it in a 3rd world economy. The latter, from El Salvador to the American South, benefits from demobilizing voters and encouraging mass cynicism with the efficacy of secular government; its allies within the clergy and local police give their masters control over the reins of power as they always have. The fascist must selectively mobilize millions of followers in all walks of life, organizing a replacement government free of any external restraint. This is done by replacing a belief in ideology with a blind faith in the person of the leader, Hitler’s fuehrer principle.

        Mapping this out over America today, I was not willing to say the Christian Right was specifically fascist, though I hate it and think it’s the greatest threat to our democracy. Their nostalgia is still based on abolishing government to return to localized plantation-owner oligarchy. Their leadership caste of wealthy clergymen, private-company fortunes (Kochs), militia supremacists and neo-Confederates work together by holding down their own bailiwicks outside of elected government, with the implication that the entire white Christian people are to act as an Invisible Empire of unpaid enforcers.

        But in the fascist model, those supporters go on the warpath in an all-out effort that they intend to hand off to the government when their fuehrer has mastered it. They believe they’ve got limited time to restore traditional hierarchy because the untermenschen have already tasted power and are breeding like rats. Thus they believe that government must actively brainwash the public and exterminate their enemies right now.

        I think that the patient, relentless feudalist agenda is that which came out of the never-fully modernized South and lucked into our reactionary Suburbia as a growth medium. But the urgency and volatility of fascism characterize the bigots and bullies of the North, Trump’s core constituents. They are uncomfortable with theocratic formulations and Byzantine Southern race codes, and now are getting impatient with the 35-year-lie of trickle-down economics propagated by the anti-government rich. They want government strong enough to carry out redistribution, but only based on loyalty/tribal membership. They want to physically beat and shoot a whole lot of Others, and then go home and bask in their new protected status.

        And the amazing thing is, the fascists are stealing Southern votes away from the feudalists before our eyes in GOP polls. There have been too many betrayals, round after round of deregulation & tax cuts that only benefited the rich, costly wars that seemed to yield less and less gain, too many real issues like pollution swept under the rug per the requirements of ideological cohesion. Even Southerners seem to be sick of trusting the collective conspiracy of their elites, when they want to trust a single tyrant who will smash status quos with no end game.

  2. Very funny. Brings back memories of Bushisms like “misunderestimated” and “Rarely is the question asked…is our children learning?”

  3. Missing entry in the glossary
    Loser: n. 1. anybody who opposes Trump (see Stupid); 2. anybody who has been schlonged by Trump; 3. ultimately, anybody who is not Donald Trump.

    Don’t feel bad. Even Samuel Johnson missed some.

  4. Great post Juan. I saw that clip of him inciting his mob against journalists who were surround by it. This is neither entertaining nor funny. He is playing with fire and sooner or later his grotesque buffoonery will have even more dire consequences than it has already. He is fast-tracking the GOP to my prediction that ultimately that party will need to be outlawed as a white supremist hate group. The damage has now been done – he is precipitating headlong our political discourse, such as it is, to its nadir. For where else is there to go after advocating ethnic cleansing and inciting violence?

    • I think about how the fascists won in Depression-wrecked Japan. Young radicalized Army officers murdered pro-Western politicians on the grounds that Western ideas had failed, then the public hailed them as martyrs, not their victims. As sudden as that, everything changed.

      We simply don’t yet know how many Americans are ready to flip that switch.

  5. My wife, who is from China, is totally non-political and uninterested in politics. She came into the family room the other day and said, “Who’s this Donald Trump guy? He’s totally disgusting. If he becomes President, I may have to go back to China.” I think that kind of says it all.

  6. While people paying attention to Hillary may find Trump the lesser evil, your column is a good reminder to not go too far is raising any opinion they might have of Trump. Among Trump’s very few saving graces is that he appears less inclined to go to war than the Democrats’ Dragon Lady. This is probably due, in part, to her neocons not having any influence with Trump who seems more inclined to talk with Putin than go to war with Russia.

    A recent poll – link to commondreams.org – shows Sanders would beat Trump by a larger margin than would Hillary, but the Democratic Party oligarchy will make sure Sanders doesn’t get a chance to prove that.

    • I am for Bernie but for the life of me I don’t see how the Democratic party has any influence over me whatsoever. Bernie has 2.3 million contributions which is a record. Even though Bernie was able to do this, it is offered up that the Democratic party can throw this election. Bernie’s weakness is amongst black voters as that is a traditional constituency of the Clintons. Bernie is trying mightily to capture more of this vote, but his failure to do so has nothing to do with the Democratic party. However, I think the lack of media coverage could be a major reason he is not doing better as he needs the name recognition and exposure that Hillary doesn’t need. All those with little name recognition have been screwed by both the conservative and liberal media because they have devoted almost all of their time to Trump. And they opine daily and wonder why Trump is so far ahead.

      • I am for Bernie but for the life of me I don’t see how the Democratic party has any influence over me whatsoever

        But as several knowledgeable observers believe if Bernie becomes a threat to Hillary the DNC and Hillary-friendly media will do what they can to defeat Bernie, and Hillary and the DNC will make a deal for Bernie to surrender his supporters to Hillary.

  7. The GOP #1 Presidential hopeful was not saying “dick”, “big dick”, “hosed”, …he said what those he speaks to and for would clearly understand. The Former US Senator and former Secretary of State was “fucked” by the big dicked Black Guy! Wink wink!

  8. Trump dovetails into the European view of US politics, a view that gives rise to the very erosion of prestige the gun wavers want so belligerently to maintain. There won’t be overt opposition, but US wishes will be increasingly ignored or circumvented. Only the other day the DOS was lecturing China on the sentence given Pu Zhiqiang.

    We are disturbed, however, that Mr. Pu was convicted and given a three-year suspended sentence following 19 months of imprisonment on vague charges of “inciting ethnic hatred” and “picking quarrels and provoking trouble.”  We urge Chinese authorities to vacate that conviction immediately and unconditionally.

    As if China could give two figs that its internal judicial system disturbs Mr Kerry; and it needs to be acknowledged that not only do such attitudes appear absurd but the absurdity is cumulative. Unless they are abandoned altogether, next year will see an increase in ingenious and less ingenious circumvention of US inspired sanctions against Russia, it’s a slippery slope. Season’s Greetings!

  9. Trump dovetails into the European view of US politics, a view that gives rise to the very erosion of prestige the gun wavers want so belligerently to maintain. There won’t be overt opposition, but US wishes will be increasingly ignored or circumvented. Only the other day the DOS was lecturing China on the sentence given Pu Zhiqiang.

    We are disturbed, however, that Mr. Pu was convicted and given a three-year suspended sentence following 19 months of imprisonment on vague charges of “inciting ethnic hatred” and “picking quarrels and provoking trouble.”  We urge Chinese authorities to vacate that conviction immediately and unconditionally.

    As if China could give two figs that its internal judicial system disturbs Mr Kerry; and it needs to be acknowledged that not only do such attitudes appear absurd but the absurdity is cumulative. Unless they are abandoned altogether, next year will see an increase in ingenious and less ingenious circumvention of US inspired sanctions against Russia, it’s a slippery slope. Season’s Greetings!

  10. “Fucked” is a metaphor for a number of things, including being without hope. Being schlonged may be a metaphor for being beaten but that does not change the fact that is a vulgarity. As far as that goes, “fuck you” is also usually not tobe taken literally but somehow I think that if Trump used this phrase at one of his public rallies, most people would not give him a pass just because it is a metaphor.

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